Hey all, I’m half asleep right now, so do pardon any spelling mistakes that you see…it’s a very early morning in my household when I wake up at 4 a.m. to deal with my animals…especially when I can’t seem to fall back to sleep afterwards.
Today I thought I might speak about the vocal differences within women and men. It’s a common misconception that if you are pre-T you will be discovered, or that, of you are post-T you won’t be found out. Neither one is especially the case, because there are actually quite a few things that will change the reaction to those around you, and it isn’t just your voice that may rat you out. Let’s look at this from a different perspective. Everyone had an ideal of how a man or a woman speaks, how they react to situations, and you what, yeah, it’s good advice. Will it help you to pass? It entirely depends.
All of us, with endeavors to pass as a man have heard of the fact that you will be found out without T. Or, that men speak from the chest or gut. I’ve also heard about a billion times, the wonderful thing about speaking without using particular words. However, while all of this has some level of merit, it’s not all tried and true. The fact is, all of that can easily be disputed one way or the other, and isn’t solid…none of it ever will be. If you are post-T, chances are, you have this idea that it’s what you had to do…because clearly, if you took T, you felt the need…not all of us have that luxury, so for those of us that don’t, or even those of us still in the beginning stages of using T, trying desperately not to get caught in our displays takes a bit of doing…
And…no small amount of careful understanding. It’s not as easy defined by pre-T or post-T. It’s not as simplistic as speaking mater of factually. It isn’t even your body language…these all play roles to the gender. However, in my opinion it does not play into the “Gender Role”. They two are different things. Gender role is being decidedly male or female. Having a role to a gender, means you have something, or do something, that the other gender might do…thus causing a gender confusion to those around you.
Need an example? look around, not all men are the burly, tough guys we think of. That, and I know many guys who don’t speak matter of factually, and yet also know many women who do. I know women who have low voices, and they “pass or present” better than a few post-T guys I’ve seen. So, then, what makes us really sound male?
Here’s a clue, it’s dependent on the gender of the person we’re trying to present in front of.
There are many times I’m open to my friends, and I will ask them questions about my voice. I usually say something along the lines of “On a scale of 1 to 10, how low is my voice?” 10 being the lowest and one being the highest. It’s very funny normally, what I get as a response. Women will use the scale, and will normally find that they can’t give me an exact number. Or if they do (that is rare), they err on the side of the middle low end of the scale… roughly 6-8 depending on the person. I can confuse women easily.
They don’t know often times if I am a man or a woman, and I’m sure most Pre-T who are trying to pass are the same way.
Asking a man on the other hand, will give me a very different result. Usually, they can’t think of it in terms of how low my voice is. Just, that I’m “Decidedly female” (as quoted actually from a friend of mine last night, a grown man several years older than I am) or “A prepubescent young man.” I’ve also been told that I’ve got a “puberty voice” from both men and women who are sometimes unsure. Now, I’m 23, so I have to look at things from one direct angle, and that is, how low would my voice really be, if I were a fully grow 23 year old man? Well that depends. The truth is, who really knows? Some men just don’t have a low voice. A few men, some even in my family, are far more effeminate than I am in mannerisms. So, the reality is, you need to toss the ideal of “low” out the window.
What makes a voice decidedly female, is not only the manners of speech they use, but also who we’re trying to pass in front of. As you can see from the above, gender of the person plays a large role. Another HUGE factor is age.
I find it easier, for example, to pass to those in my age bracket, and to those younger than me. In fact, most men in my bracket (27 and lower I’d say) don’t even dare to question me, or undermine me, because I’m considered a very dominate man in my bracket. The men who would even dare to presume I’m female, and outwardly call it out, have learned much to their dismay, that I am one of them, purely because I don’t fear them. I can vocally back them into corners, and also I’ve found that even if I don’t always pass, I can very often earn their respect. Through the use of my personality, I show them who I am, and in their minds, I become “Decidedly Male” this is something that I think is very interesting. It’s also something to make a point of if you are pre-T…
You won’t always pass, but if you can earn the respect a man gets, by other men, then you’re well on your way to becoming accepted as a male, even if you aren’t one biologically. I can, and often do, go into male restrooms. I find I often don’t have a problem, and actually most men find it odd if I do choose to go to the women’s room. The men (in my bracket) that I’m around expect me to be a man, and now, I find that they can’t understand if I do a “Decidedly Female” type of thing. To them, it blows their mind. I’ve gone so far as to swim in my pool topless, because they can’t get around the fact that women covers the top half of their bodies…and I am biologically female.
To have that sort of acceptance, while rare, is not unheard of. Many of these men just don’t have a concept of my actual gender anymore. They see me as “Decidedly Male”, they don’t question the fact that I’m not. Although it took a lot of work on my part to come off and convince them of that, so now, my voice doesn’t matter. If I were to walk into a communal restroom with these younger males, older men would see me as male, because they often wouldn’t question it. Men don’t analyze things of that nature, they stand there and take a piss. They aren’t looking around saying “Who sounds like they’re pissing like a female.”, they just don’t do that. At least, not one that’s self respecting…if you follow the man laws, and you’re with other men you’ll generally be fine.
So, keep those things in mind too, because pre-T, that type of ideal will be your lifeblood, especially if you have male friends you can trust.
Now, back to the vocal side of things.
I’ve also taken notice, that once a man is in their 30’s or older, that I no longer pass to them. I think, that is due to how much younger I am. They can see through my presentation. Ironically, on a female side of things, I can confuse women well into their 50’s and beyond. (Most of my friends in the heterosexual community are not in my age bracket.) It’s my study of these older adults, mostly the males, that show me what I need to do to pass in front of them. I’ve found that I will have increasingly levels of difficulty to pass without other males around. I talk to males differently then I talk to women, and the manner in which I speak, if I’m with another male, may actually convince some of the older men that I encounter. If I’m with women, I tend to be outed more.
Now, with all of the above being stated. I agree, it’s important to lower your voice, it’s a good thing to try to do. In later posts I will go through a few ways to do this without T. There are a great many ways, although all of them take large amounts of self discipline and normally constant work. Still, it can be done, and it’s important to understand how and why these things work the way they do. What will work for you, will not work for everone. What works for me, might not work for you. This will be a study of that, through my eyes, as I compare and contrast them…but that, sadly, is for another post.